You Can't Sit Back in a Coaching Session
The coaching journey is a dynamic partnership, not a passive experience where wisdom is simply downloaded from coach to client. Many enter coaching expecting their coach to provide all the answers, solve their problems, or transform their lives through expert advice. However, this fundamental misunderstanding can lead to limited growth and disappointing results.
The real magic of coaching happens when you recognize that your coach is a facilitator of your own development, not the source of it. They're there to hold up a mirror, ask powerful questions, and create a space for discovery – but the heavy lifting of self-reflection and personal growth? That's entirely on you.
Consider this: If you went to a gym and watched your personal trainer do all the exercises while you sat and observed, would you expect to get stronger? Of course not. The same principle applies to coaching. Your coach provides the framework, structure, and support, but you need to engage actively in the mental and emotional work required for genuine transformation.
Self-reflection is the cornerstone of effective coaching. It requires courage to look honestly at yourself, question long-held beliefs, and challenge your own assumptions. This isn't always comfortable – in fact, meaningful growth rarely is. When your coach asks a thought-provoking question, the easy response is to give a surface-level answer. The valuable response is to sit with the discomfort, dig deeper, and explore what lies beneath.
The commitment to self-work extends beyond the coaching session itself. The real transformation happens in the spaces between meetings, when you're actively applying insights, experimenting with new behaviors, and reflecting on the results. Your coach might suggest journaling exercises, meditation practices, or specific actions to take – but these tools only work if you commit to using them consistently.
Some signs that you might not be fully engaging in the coaching process include:
- Expecting your coach to provide all the solutions
- Resisting challenging questions or deflecting deep inquiry
- Not completing agreed-upon actions between sessions
- Staying in your comfort zone rather than pushing boundaries
- Treating coaching sessions as casual conversations rather than opportunities for growth
To get the most value from coaching, approach each session with intentionality. Come prepared with reflections on your previous commitments, insights you've gained, and areas where you're struggling. Be willing to be vulnerable and honest about what's really going on beneath the surface. Challenge yourself to go beyond the obvious answers and explore the uncomfortable territories where real growth lives.
Remember that coaching is an investment – not just of money, but of energy, time, and emotional resources. Like any investment, the returns you see will be directly proportional to what you put in. Your coach can be the most skilled facilitator in the world, but without your active participation and commitment to self-work, the impact will be limited.
This doesn't mean you need to have all the answers or know exactly where you're going. Part of the beauty of coaching is discovering new possibilities and perspectives you hadn't considered before. But it does mean showing up fully, engaging deeply, and being willing to do the internal work required for meaningful change.
The most successful coaching relationships are those where both parties understand their roles: the coach as a skilled facilitator and thought partner, and the client as the active driver of their own development. When you embrace this dynamic and commit to being an active participant in your growth journey, the potential for transformation is limitless.
So the next time you enter a coaching session, remember: you can't sit back and expect change to happen to you. Lean in, engage fully, and be prepared to do the work. Your future self will thank you for it.
